red + yellow = orange

Posted On May 2, 2009

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Okay, so i am at orange this week and God is rocking my world…and when i say rocking, i mean like i am hoping that Jesus is this boat with me because i might need him to calm the storm!  i am standing at  a computer in the bloggers lounge at orange with a lot of hip people around me wearing skinny jeans, with cool haircuts and carrying coffee wondering what the heck i am doing here!  =)  i wrote a blog about 3 weeks ago after i visited a church in anderson, sc called newspring and i talked about how God had really been pushing my heart and reminding me that the whole reason i am here on this earth is to make Him known.  i am still in that place and God is continuing to push me and challenge me, especially here.  more than ever i feel like i am running out of time to tell people about Jesus.  i mean we only get one life and a certain amount of numbered days on the planet and we spend them mostly on our own worries and stuff and that to me is a problem.  hang with me here.  its not that i think that we should not take care of us and our families, and i know that i am single and dont have that much on my plate, but each of us, no matter our situation was placed on this earth to glorify God…period.  


i come to these conferences and i go to different churches and it scares the life out of me.  it scares me that there are people in my life and even people outside of my experience that dont  know Jesus and are going to hell.  HELL!  that is a problem that keeps me awake at night.  i am awake thinking about ways we as the church and we as a community can be better at loving people where they are and better at telling His message.  

Francis Chan talked in the main session yesterday about passion.  he said that we as the church end to calm people down, that we dont like people in the church who are passionate and we do everything we can to “normalize” them.  i think (and this is my opinion, not my experience) that we calm down passion because we view passion as reckless.  i think when we see someone all fired up about something and loud and upset we think they are going to do something radical and rash and that is outside of our comfort zone.  but here is the thing:  Jesus was radical.  Jesus was passionate.  Jesus was WAY outside the comfort zone of all those in His time.  i think we normalize passion because we have a faith problem.  i have a faith problem.  i know that i dont like having to fully rely on God.  i dont like to feel like i am free falling or losing control.  i like to lose control with a plan of losing control.  like i make a plan to surrender myself to God…seriously, i am pretty sure that is an oxymoron.  surrendering, at least i think in God’s eyes, means letting go completely and letting God.  that means no plan a and definitely no plan b…just God.  i am not sure how i get to the point where i am just God, but i know for sure that i want to be just God.  I want to be in the place of total and utter surrender because here is the bottom line:  my life here is literally like one grain of sand on the entire beach.  what i do here is not about here but about eternity.  who i meet here and what i say and do here is about what He did so i could be with Him FOREVER.  this conference has reminded me that all i really want and all should want is to hear:  “well done.”  its not about us people…its about Him and His people, ALL of His people.


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