trust
January 19, 2009 
the good news is that i have a job!!! i am working at haw river elementary as a teacher’s assistant in the preschool and working towards my teaching certificate!!! i am very very happy about that!
i have been working to try to resolve some of the issues that keep me from letting myself be happy and while i think i have made some progress there is one issue that just wont go away. i do not trust relationships in my life. its not about not trusting people its more that i dont trust that they really are or want to be my friend. i am very careful with people and i try not to get too close or let people in too far because i figure they might at any moment walk away or realize that i am really messed up and decide that the relationship really is too much. i was in a bible study in the fall that talked all about the people you should have in your life and one of them is a drainer. i am totally scared that i am a drainer and i desperately dont want to be that kid in anyone’s circle. so, i just dont let myself get really comfortable in any relationship. i am finding though that God wants more for me than that. He created us to be in relationship, even with the risk of getting hurt. its hard and scary and i am not sure how, but i really want to trust.
ready to run 
You are not alone in your fear of being the “drainer”. I think most people have this fear & that’s why people only get to know the “surface you”. Here’s the ironic part…people are so busy hiding and holding back themselves they have no clue that everyone else is doing the same thing! You may not truely know the people around you any more than they know you. So….what do we do about it?? Don’t ask me, I gotta go put on another layer of disquise…..