trust

the good news is that i have a job!!!  i am working at haw river elementary as a teacher’s assistant in the preschool and working towards my teaching certificate!!!  i am very very happy about that!

i have been working to try to resolve some of the issues that keep me from letting myself be happy and while i think i have made some progress there is one issue that just wont go away.  i do not trust relationships in my life.  its not about not trusting people its more that i dont trust that they really are or want to be my friend.  i am very careful with people and i try not to get too close or let people in too far because i figure they might at any moment walk away or realize that i am really messed up and decide that the relationship really is too much.  i was in a bible study in the fall that talked all about the people you should have in your life and one of them is a drainer.  i am totally scared that i am a drainer and i desperately dont want to be that kid in anyone’s circle.  so, i just dont let myself get really comfortable in any relationship.  i am finding though that God wants more for me than that.  He created us to be in relationship, even with the risk of getting hurt.  its hard and scary and i am not sure how, but i really want to trust.