so, i am really excited about my new job, but i am not excited about waking up at 5:30 am.  This morning was the practice run of the 5:30 wake up call and let me share that NO ONE should have to be up that early.  now, before you all comment on my whining with the “welcome to the real world” and all that, let me just say that i realize that i am not the only one who has to get up this early.  I am simply commenting on the fact that the diffference between waking up at 5:30 and 7:00 is HUGE!!  First, lets talk about how at 7 am there is at least the glow of morning in the sky, and normally by the time the shower has finished the day has arrived….not the case at 5:30.  I woke up in the dark, got a shower in the dark, dried my hair and put on my makeup in the dark, duncan (the dog, who by the way refused to actually get up with me this morning) was let out in the dark, and it is now 7:20 and i can say that officially the sun has risen and i feel like i have been up for days.  this is going to be a long day!!!!  =)

trust

the good news is that i have a job!!!  i am working at haw river elementary as a teacher’s assistant in the preschool and working towards my teaching certificate!!!  i am very very happy about that!

i have been working to try to resolve some of the issues that keep me from letting myself be happy and while i think i have made some progress there is one issue that just wont go away.  i do not trust relationships in my life.  its not about not trusting people its more that i dont trust that they really are or want to be my friend.  i am very careful with people and i try not to get too close or let people in too far because i figure they might at any moment walk away or realize that i am really messed up and decide that the relationship really is too much.  i was in a bible study in the fall that talked all about the people you should have in your life and one of them is a drainer.  i am totally scared that i am a drainer and i desperately dont want to be that kid in anyone’s circle.  so, i just dont let myself get really comfortable in any relationship.  i am finding though that God wants more for me than that.  He created us to be in relationship, even with the risk of getting hurt.  its hard and scary and i am not sure how, but i really want to trust.